Current Mood: Angsty. Angsty as a sign-language-speaking gorilla who's just been told that the universe is finite and her only friends are just scientists using her for their master's thesis, who don't even really like her that much anyways because she kind of smells and keeps talking about her kitten, which was cute at first but now just annoying. Like that.
Current Activity: Eating Cadbury creme eggs to celebrate my heritage as a Christian, just as the earliest Christians fed chocolate encrusted fondant to comfort Jesus as he died of asphyxia on the cross. Amen.
Also: I need caffeine. I do not have enough caffeine to motivate myself to get caffeine. I am stuck at my computer in a terrible Catch-22 of self loathing, and it is not fun.
My favourite time of year: Is right now. Cherry blossoms, non-cherry blossoms, and blossoms of all varieties are erupting on trees everywhere for a few weeks, signaling the start of spring, inspiring haiku writers to write haiku. You would think this would be enough to inspire me to get out of the house, or at least open a window, but no. (This therefore leads to more angst...the angst of "feeling angsty when you do not have to feel angsty, at all, and by all accounts should be happy...so why the hell are you angsty?!" Angst.)
This is a time of Great Angst. The seasonal change is coincidental - Easter, Cherry Blossoms, and the Great Angst of Exams have come together this year to create a trifecta of suffering.
Students are in school, studying, crying, wishing that they had been aborted so that they would not have to experience this wretched moment. Their friends are standing by awkwardly, unable to make things better, wanting to go play, but fearing that they will be beaten if they act in a manner which is anything but stoic. Ivy is at home, glad that she dropped out of school, sad that she dropped out of school, not wanting especially to start paying back her student loans, and missing the feeling of sleepy accomplishment that comes when the last exam is handed in and you collapse on your bed in mucousy joy.
Holy Week is a time for families. Families, however, come in multiple forms, and the three big religions left a few of us out. It's hard, for example, if you used to be a Christian but can't go to church because you don't believe in Jesus, and your only family in town are dogs, and therefore can't eat chocolate. They could hunt eggs, I suppose. But there's no big dinners or ceremonies or self flagellation, and no lambs will be sacrificed for the sanctity of our bellies. I am not a fan of organized religion, at all. But rituals, tradition, and community might just be the recipe for human happiness, and it's rare to encounter these things outside of a church, mosque, or synagogue.
Alone we are left, my puppies and I, to wallow.